Run No.1158
- Bushman 'Life' Hares from The Sanitary Section, Klong Toey -  
Date: 11 September 1999

APOCALYPSE NOW?
The blue-ringed octopus is the most venomous life form on the planet. There is no antivenine and death results from its sting within seconds. The blue rings are only displayed when it attacks, so for several Australians each year these are the last things they ever see. ‘Hey Bruce, over here. Look at these pretty little blu-AAARGH!’

Talking of life forms, a ‘form’ is subsidiarily defined by Chambers as 'the bed of a hare', and Bushman as we know from a prior T-shirt of his design is BH3's ‘life (sic) hare’. (The ‘sic’ of course belongs properly within the inner but not the outer parentheses - a nice distinction which may lift Big Dick’s ailing spirits).

Big Dick’s opinion of the life (sic) hare and his run, volubly expressed wherever our orbits coincided, entails some questioning of the blue-ringed octopus's reputed lead in the Venom Stakes.

Now the blue-ringed octopus is extremely small whereas Big Dick by contrast is not. The latter is, so to speak, a nebula to the former's neutrino. However, you don't need to be either an astronomer or a quantum mechanic to understand that breeding the blue-ringed octopus in captivity is a seriously weird thing to do. What possible motivation could there be? What possible advantage could ensue, other than to the Pentagon perhaps?

Step in one Oliver Buttling, son of Brainless, clear inheritor of the cerebral deficiency gene, and occasional Bangkok basher who according to both Auntie Beeb’s World Service and the Bangkok Post has achieved this puzzlingly pointless and potentially perilous feat. In Weymouth, Dorset no less, which is nowhere near the Pentagon. Why?

From pentagons to circles, in which the Ottoman Emperor struts his stuff. ‘Ottoman’, you will be unsurprised to recall also means ‘a low, stuffed seat without a back, sometimes in the form of a chest’. A fair epitome I think.

It is an extraordinary circle; the first time in my memory a GM has received ‘encores’ despite the total disintegration of large arcs of the circumference.

Brainless gets his of course, and The Bug for claiming to have ‘caught’ the life (sic) hare. 'Caught' here is used as in ‘I caught the bus’, which involves the subject standing still and doing bugger all until the object arrives. Current and emeritus Cashes Moor and Coesbott are dealt with for investment planning between cheques. Moor is either advocating KY Jelly futures or Greece. In either event, it fails to ruffle the breast feathers of the Byzantine Bustard, who makes the classic error of responding affirmatively to ironic cries of ‘More!’ Lesson One, mate, quit when you're ahead. Too much Turkish Delight can cloy.

Ah yes, the run. A long, slogging affair on concrete walkways separated by forward checks. Scenic, but asthmatic. Most of us enjoy it considerably more than Big Dick nonetheless.

It starts ominously with Hash Flash nearly toppling into the rancid waters of the Chao Phraya. The forward checks ensure that an aerial view of BH3 would resemble one of those exploded diagrams so enamoured of DIY freaks. Nobody is actually lost; but several get awfully lonely. I happen on Tiradej who is equipped with sonar and radar, and leads me to the Short/Very Short fork. Where, I understand, Randell’s day is made by whomever (incorrectly) informs him he qualifies for ‘Short’.

Apocalypse Now? Was it all a terrifying vision of the future, or can Brainless Cadet be persuaded to end the Asian Minor threat by introducing his cerulean cephalopods into the Jomtien Condo’s water supply?

Insh’allah.