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When
it’s 16:41 on Hags’ Pepsi watch and Ringworm’s G-shock,
we board two water limousines that carry us along
Khlong Bangkok Noi. We disembark at Wat nr. 1, Wat
Utayaan. I stop to relieve my bladder as the pack
veers left into the orchards. 30 seconds and 2 gallons
later, I continue down the footpath and notice everyone
has disappeared. I jog in the general direction of
vague on-calls and soon find myself off paper, when
I am confronted by a big fat dog straight out of Bang
Rajan. I take off my glasses à la Clark Kent and politely
but firmly tell the dog to piss off. I run for another
500m before finally I catch up with Prabhas. Another
300m and there I see Stumbles in his inimitable penguin
walk. There is a check and I ask Huge-O if he’s on.
But Huge-O is struggling today and he just grumbles,
"Krappenshit! Too much sturm und drang vrom ze
front-runnink bastards. All ze shortkuttenstrasse
are totahl blockengladbach und ich bin hear no trumpetensounden
von der hash horn, kartoffelkopf! It ist so fokkingblitzen
hot today, und ich befehl das iss zu dangerhosen fur
hashenhausen und ich vould rather iminentminutelich
ein colde Klosterbieren und krispy chips drinkenmunchen."
I agree
with the above statement but I must continue my quest
for the FRBs. I pass Raggedy Man, Mini and Vichai
Kratingdaeng-gym. Later I pass Spinning Dwarf before
I find a sub-group comprising of Oversexed, Porkfinder,
Cathusalem, Pope, Bug and Ivor. I realise this is
my future a quarter century from now and, terrified,
I run even faster. Not until after Wat nr. 3 do the
FRB’s Suphon 3K-Battery, Noriega and Muff Diver appear.
The checks are easy to solve. The trail pierces the
wats in more or less a straight line like a sate stick.
Bushman is seen stealing Japanese schoolgirl porno
from the monks at Wat nr. 6 (how many lashes of the
camel whip does he receive for that, GM?). When we
cross the long wooden bridge, Rim Khlong restaurant
comes into view on the right, and some of us head
that way regardless of where the paper is. Much confusion.
This is where I hear the following exchange:
"On
oooooon!"
"Are
you? Let’s hear you!!"
"Fucking
hell! Are you deaf? On oooon!!"
I have
counted only 7 wats so far and compelled by guilt
I run back to find the On In behind Wat Chalor. The
scattered pack reaches the piss truck at the large
parking lot. A ‘Chuck Wow’ artist flies his kite adjacent
to us. Daeng says Pitak is now in Rama hospital. Get
well soon, Pitak!
The
hash circle has a radius of 30m, as if H.E. the Grand
Mullah has a highly contagious brain-wasting pig disease,
which leaves large gaps between each hasher. Gaps
for the visitors of which there are none, thanks to
cocked up misdirections in the Bangkok Post. Down-downs
for the hares who set a good run through very nice
country. Returners are among others Huge-O, who has
been fire-fighting in California for 4 days after
he lighted one of his farts. A harrowing experience
and don’t tease Hugo about it the next time you meet
him, please. Noriega announces the hand-over-key party
this Friday at his new bar on Silom. Ringworm and
BNB announce their Bush Hash run in Pattaya founded
by the cosmetically challenged Charles Manson, who
looks like the result of a one-night stand between
Rod Turner and Lemmy Motorhead.
Music
at the on-on-on is courtesy of Yanni unplugged live
at Schiphol airport. The food is not English and the
beer is manufactured Dutch and brewed Danish. A very
enjoyable hashing Saturday, and I think the Bangkok
Hash does not deserve the abuse of that write-up after
last week’s Pattaya run. On On
CHECK
BACK: RUN # 1230 B&B SPECIAL.
THE
STATE OF AFFAIRS: HAVE WE REACHED BOTTOM YET?
No need
to dwell on the quality of a B&B run. You wouldn’t
want to drive to bloody Pattaya anyway, unless it’s
for a Blaise & Brian Special, right?
Instead,
what ought to be asked here is for how much longer
will this farce drag on? Do we really have to wait
until June? Has BH3 hit bottom yet? An ever dwindling
run attendance and an outright dreary circle at the
end of every run make you wonder. Everyone who attended
the On-on-on that followed Brian’s run a week ago
should have a word or two to say, I believe. Visitor
"Digit" (can’t we import the guy?) had us
rolling on the floor with laughter. What a GM he would
make.
With
fewer and fewer of the familiar faces showing up –
members resorting to golf out of sheer desperation
and Suphon staying at home with his wife – what else
does it take, to question if the fundamentals of our
weekly gatherings are still intact. BH3 used to be
fun and one used to look forward to that "special"
Saturday afternoon outing. These days, all this is
gone. No fun anymore, as Huge-O used concluded the
other day. If this is as good as it gets, thanks,
Ron I thought we deserved better! I want my money’s
worth!
Back
to the "B&B Special": yet another amazingly
low turnout of just about twenty. And mind you, it
took visiting Mike Lauer, Snowy and old Barwick to
swell the numbers. If you add four lady visitors,
the dreadful looking Charles Manson-guy from Pattaya,
and dormant member Major Ron only a handful or so
of the regulars attended. This is what we have come
to.
About
the run, well I thought it was a good effort in a
scenic setting. Had it not been for those thousands
of little flies, one could have enjoyed a splendid
sundown on the shore of the reservoir. "Bangkok
Hash, On, on!" Whispered the "you know who,"
and off we went to a leisurely stroll up the asphalt
road. The trail turned right only to fizzle out soon
enough for everybody to catch up with frontrunner
Paul. Some confusion, smart guesses, what are the
hares up to this time? Not to worry, we’ll stay on
the road. God was it hot! Left turn and into the tapioca
fields. Difficult running on the sand, some ankle
breaking patches. Checks quickly solved and the end
was in sight when the reservoir appeared in front
of our eyes. The signboard "Villa am See"
made me laugh, too many Krauts in Pattaya.
On in
down the road. Well under an hour all in all. Snowy
must have enjoyed his vacation and we hope to see
him back again soon. Taiwan isn’t really the place
for you.
Thanks,
Blaise & Brian, just about the right length. Maybe
another recce would have added some spice to it? Clearly,
this run deserved a better attendance but then, it
didn’t happen in your times.
I skip
the circle. The same monotonous drivel we’ve been
used to since last June.
On-On
to better times.
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